A Scanner Dorkly: Oct. 22, 2009
Last week’s comics seemed to center on costumes.
Batgirl had a new one, Deadpool was out of his, so was Hercules, and a trio of ex-Robins were still adjusting to theirs. Without further ado, here’s the best and the worst of last week’s comics.
Click on the thumbnail for a full-page excerpt.
Who’s Costume Is It, Anyway?
Blackest Night Batman #3
As Dick “ex-Robin, now Batman” Grayson, Tim “ex-Robin, now Red Robin” Drake and Damion “Robin” Wayne crash land the Bat Jet into a circus to do battle with the Blackest Night Flying Graysons, et al, Batman shouts for Robin to check on the along-for-the-ride Barbara Gordon and her dad, the Commish.
Batman : Robin
Red Robin : Yeah.
Batman : No. The other Robin.
This… is going to cause major problems. Especially when Bruce “The Franchise” Wayne finally, inevitably, returns.
Clothes Make the Bat
Meanwhile, in other Bat News, Harvey “Two Face” Dent has figured out that this new Batman is different from the old one. And in so doing, he tipped his hand as being a regular reader of A Scanner Dorkly.
Two Face : I couldn’t figure out why the Bat liked having his picture taken so much all of a sudden. The Dark Knight became a media whore. In hindsight, I think someone was overcompensating. Y’needed the whole damned world to look at you and just scream, ‘It’s the Batman!’ If they believed it, maybe you would, too. Neurosis aside, it gave me a lot of material. I got to watch you. You move like him. You’re lighter. You like to get off your feet a lot more.
And you smile.
A tip-off he received, no doubt, in this very column.
Sure Beats a Pink Slip
In Batgirl #3, Scarecrow prepares for that favorite pastime of villains everywhere: The dispatching of lackeys for entertainment. As he sneers at the two dolts, he asks:
I wonder what kind of severance package you should get , Hmm?
As he hands them a couple of razor-sharp blades and gasses them into battling one another to the death, we see that Scarecrow intends to put the sever in severance.
Who Needs Underwear When You Have Well-Positioned Equipment in the Foreground?
Deadpool, perhaps jealous of the treatment the Wonder Woman book was being promised by DC’s executive editor, Dan Didio, skipped directly to his nine-hundredth issue. Several stand-out stories were featured in this landmark ish — such as Deadpool playing ping-pong against Dr. Octopus — but the feature sure to catch a few eyes had the Merc with a Mouth stripped nude by a couple alien abductors. Luckily, a well-positioned piece of alien junk did an adequate job of hiding Deadpool’s own junk. Deadpool, characteristically, is fearless in the face of certain agony.
Deadpool : Boy, when you guys talk, it sounds like a bunch of wounded hippos… You know any languages that won’t make me wanna rip out my own auditory canals?
Alien One : This one’s tome offends me. What say we skip the preliminaries?
Alien Two : Prepare the anal probe.
G-Man: Cape Crisis #3
G-Man and Billy Demon team up with the cameoing Savage Dragon to battle Fangral. SavDrag smacks the blue villains square in the face, planting him into the asphalt: “You have the right to remain silent. And you have a bunch of other rights I’ll tell you about when you wake up.”
The young heroes are impressed.
G-Man : Well I’d say that was a pretty successful team-up.
Savage Dragon : Oh, yeah, I think my favorite part of the team-up was when you guys let Fangral take a free shot at me.
Billy Demon : My favorite part was how you said that thing about his rights. That was pretty funny and also it sounded cool.
Outta Wear Magic
Hercules seems to have more luck out of his Thor costume than in. And this becomes apparent in the following exchange between an Elven Queen and him.
Queen : It’s been a while since a man took such foolish risks to join me in my bed
…And even longer since I found a playmate so quick to master the Elven Tickler.
I have twenty bucks that they’re not talking about the kind of elven magic that one finds in the Keebler tree.