Last week’s comics seemed to be all about lies, lies and untruths. We found out that two characters had been “living” with untruths about their past — even though neither is technically alive. First, Red Tornado discovered he had a sister, the Red Torpedo. And, similarly, Solomon Grundy discovered that the man who killed Cyrus Gold was, well… Cyrus Gold. These revelations only lead to more questions. Like… how hard is it for a young woman to go through puberty with a name like “Red Torpedo?” And, if Solomon Grundy was married on Wednesday and took ill on Thursday, what the heck was he doing on his honeymoon? Is there some sort of Dark Kama Sutra floating around out there that we have to worry about? And what about the real Kama Sutra? Some of those positions are jokes, right?

OK… maybe some questions are better off unanswered.

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You Lie Like A Rug

Red Tornado #1

In a familiar moment, a father has to suffer through his child’s school assembly. The part about watching young Traya on stage? Wonderful. The part about interacting with the other parents? Not-so-much. Our Hero is no different from you and me. Except when his “social graces” software is reset to a lower priority. After he insults another dad, Red’s wife, Katy Sutton, tries to make a quick getaway.

Katy: We need to head out… can’t keep the sitter waiting. Going to be late.

Other mom: The sitter — Traya’s here with you–!

Katy: Dog-sitter. I mean — Great seeing you two! ‘Bye!

Traya: We got a dog?! SWEET!

You Lie Like a Rug (Redux)

JLA: Cry for Justice #2

Prometheus, in a classic, fireside, evil-plot exposition, tells ill-fated assistant, Quimby, about his dastardly plan. During this Bond-villain-esque monologue, Prometheus describes his murdering of some of Europe’s super-heroes. Quimby notices what looks to be a bear-skin rug.

Prometheus: You’re admiring my rug.

Quimby: Yes, I was wondering what animal it was.

Prometheus: It isn’t. It’s one of those Guardians I mentioned. The Tasmanian Devil.

…Idiot named himself after an endangered species anyway.

“You Lied to me, Fredo”

House of M: Masters of Evil #2

In the opening sequence of issue two, The Hood explains to his gang of merry thieves that his plan is based on the one reputed mobster Joe Columbo used in the 1970s to thwart the authorities:

Hood: He borrowed a page from Martin Luthor King’s playbook and created the Italian-American Civil Rights League. The picketed the F.B.I., newspapers, City Hall, you name it… claiming the mafia didn’t exist, and to say it did was prejudicial against Italian-Americans. It wasn’t just mobsters doing this. There were honest citizens who were sick of the “Italian Gangster” stereotype. The League had everybody intimidated. Newspapers and TV stopped using the word “Mafia” and started soft-pedaling their coverage. Cops had to think twice about busting a wiseguy. Even the Justice Department ordered their people not to use the words “mafia” or “cosa nostra.” These guys had NIXON running scared.

Madame Masque is not impressed.

Madame Masque: I know my history, Parker. Joe Columbo was shot in the head at one of his rallies, and that was the end of the idea that there was no mafia.

At the end of the book, the Hood prepares to take his plans to the next level — once again basing his scheme on the mafia playbook.

Hood: We’ll never be able to accomplish what we really want to under a militant-run government…. What we need to do what the mob tried to do in the fifties. What they almost pulled off in Cuba… We need to own our own country.

This, of course, will be the Hood’s own undoing. After all, Hymen Roth knows that Frankie “Five Angles” Pentageli has been having trouble with the Rosato brothers. There’s no guarantee that Senator Geary is going to put up the fee for the gaming license personally. Moe Greene is in charge of the Tropicana, and Johnny Ola’s body has been found dead in Roth’s hotel room.

It’s just a matter of time before someone decides to put a hit on the Hood himself. IN HIS HOME! IN HIS BEDROOM! Where his wife sleeps… and his children play with their toys.

(Score yourself six extra credit points if you knew that “Johnny Ola” was played by Dominic “Uncle Junior ” Chianese.)

Lying in Bed

Titans #16

Meanwhile, in Titans, Starfire searches for someone with whom to watch the sun rise. (What… are the male Titans crazy? They gotta be asked?!) But none of these so-called red-blooded, American men are able to get themselves out of bed early enough — or pull themselves away from their computers. So Starfire catches dawn alone.

From somewhere above the stratosphere.

Now, sorry to get all literal on you, but if you’re going to watch from that vantage point, is it really necessary to wake up before the sun is rising in your particular time zone? Why not catch a nice little sleep-in, and then fly to where the sun is peaking around the earth.

Like Dean Martin used to say, “It’s six o’clock somewhere.” Of course, he was talking p.m.

Speaking of peaking, (and nit-picks aside) the vignette (and the view that ensues) ain’t half bad. It kinda makes a guy look forward to getting up at the crack of dawn.

Please Tell me You’re Lying

Solomon Grundy #4

Well, add the undead Solomon Grundy to the laundry list of Black Lanterns. Ugh.

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