Transcript
Evil Inc – March 18, 2025
by Brad J. Guigar
[Panel 1]
(Caption: A few nights later, Angus checks in with his employer, the Lethal Librarian.)
Angus: Yes, ma’am, I’m nearly finished stocking the safehouse.
[Panel 2]
Angus (on the phone): You didn’t warn me about Mrs. Elliot. She thinks I’m a cow!
She keeps insisting I leave quarts of milk on her front stoop.
[Panel 3]
(Close-up of the Lethal Librarian on the phone, looking incredulous.)
Lethal Librarian: That’s ridiculous! You don’t have udders!
[Panel 4]
(Caption: "There was only one way to make her stop.")
(Angus is seen sneaking up Mrs. Elliot’s stairs at night, placing bottles of white liquid on her doorstep.)
[Panel 5]
(Lethal Librarian, shocked on the phone.)
Lethal Librarian: Great Gutenberg’s ghost! You didn’t!
Angus: I didn’t… but I’m putting her dairy bill on your account.
(Angus is in the kitchen, pouring milk into bottles.)
[Panel 6]
(Sound effect: knock knock*)
Angus (on phone): I’ll call you back.
(He turns toward the door.)
Angus: Someone’s at the door.
[Panel 7]
(Angus answers the door to see Lightning Lady standing outside.)
Angus: LIGHTNING LADY!
Lightning Lady: You’ll never believe what your neighbor asked me to do…
“I want my Western Burger!”
And now, for your moment of Zen, here’s a 911-call from a woman who wants police dispatched to the fast food restaurant that keeps
getting her order wrong.
Snopes has labeled it as “Undetermined.” From their site: “
…we called the Orange County Sheriff’s Department (OCSD) and spoke to a couple of folks at the Public Affairs Office. They were a bit busy to speak with us at length (evidently matters such as homicides and escaped prisoners take priority over media inquiries about irate fast food patrons), but they told us the recording is an actual call that was handled by an OCSD dispatcher about two years ago.”
