Transcript
Evil Inc – March 18, 2025
by Brad J. Guigar
[Panel 1]
(Caption: A few nights later, Angus checks in with his employer, the Lethal Librarian.)
Angus: Yes, ma’am, I’m nearly finished stocking the safehouse.
[Panel 2]
Angus (on the phone): You didn’t warn me about Mrs. Elliot. She thinks I’m a cow!
She keeps insisting I leave quarts of milk on her front stoop.
[Panel 3]
(Close-up of the Lethal Librarian on the phone, looking incredulous.)
Lethal Librarian: That’s ridiculous! You don’t have udders!
[Panel 4]
(Caption: "There was only one way to make her stop.")
(Angus is seen sneaking up Mrs. Elliot’s stairs at night, placing bottles of white liquid on her doorstep.)
[Panel 5]
(Lethal Librarian, shocked on the phone.)
Lethal Librarian: Great Gutenberg’s ghost! You didn’t!
Angus: I didn’t… but I’m putting her dairy bill on your account.
(Angus is in the kitchen, pouring milk into bottles.)
[Panel 6]
(Sound effect: knock knock*)
Angus (on phone): I’ll call you back.
(He turns toward the door.)
Angus: Someone’s at the door.
[Panel 7]
(Angus answers the door to see Lightning Lady standing outside.)
Angus: LIGHTNING LADY!
Lightning Lady: You’ll never believe what your neighbor asked me to do…
Bite Me
In case you needed one more reminder of why you stopped reading newspaper comics a long time ago, here’s another:
United Media is sending an alert to editors who work at newspapers that carry
Pearls Before Swine informing them that there will be some
mild profanity in the strip two-and-a-half weeks from now.
The phrase? “Bite me.”
Read the whole, sad story at
Editor & Publisher.
Thank goodness the phrase wasn’t “Knocking boots.” I have to figure that’s worth a three-week advanced warning and a personal councelling session from the clergyman of your choice.
How soon before Stephan Pastis decides to do what syndicated cartoonists are now probably calling “pulling a Kellett?”
