Chapter 16 | Page 4b: Mean golden girls

Transcript

Panel 1

(Cassie Cruz speaking to Jeremy, who is standing in front of a board with pictures of various Evil Inc employees.)

Cassie Cruz: Jeremy, we have to find out who has been leaking information to the heroes before they pin it on me! The only nursing home capable of caring for my mother is contingent on my job here! — And even they have their hands full!

Panel 2

(A flashback scene shows Cassie narrating while Princess Charming, an elderly woman in a wheelchair, is interacting with another patient in the nursing home.)

Cassie Cruz (narrating): As a top-tier mind-controller with dementia, my mom keeps reliving the past — and pulling innocent people into her world!

Panel 3

(A flashback continues with an orderly, wearing a red shirt, standing near Princess Charming. Green energy surrounds them as the orderly appears to be in a trance.)

Cassie Cruz (narrating): Last week, an orderly forgot to turn on his neuro-dampener last week. Before anyone knew it, he was reenacting a battle between Mom and Hijinx.

Jeremy: Was Hijinx a hero she used to fight?

Panel 4

Cassie Cruz (narrating): Worse. It was a villain she had a rivalry with.

Princess Charming: I wish I could be like you. It must be so freeing not to stress over every little pound!

Panel 5

(Orderly is sitting on a couch, speaking with a therapist)

Cassie Cruz (narrating): The poor guy has been in counseling ever since!

Orderly: I mean… I thought I looked cute in bangs!

(Comic strip by Brad J. Guigar. © 2025. All rights reserved. Visit evil-inc.com)

As usual, the Guigar family is hosting its annual Halloween bash for the boys and their/our friends.  I’ve been working on priming the Evil Inc Halloween Hits Pandora channel by thumbs-upping and thumbs-downing a bunch of Halloween songs. Here is my Top-13 —thirteen! — list of the best.

10. “Dinner With Drac,” John “The Cool Ghoul” Zacherle

Philly-born John Zacherle was a TV horror-show host, and if you remember from my Greystone Inn days, I have a soft spot in my heart for those guys. This rock novelty ditty was recorded near the height of his popularity. PNP20020314

9. “Purple People Eater,” Sheb Wooley

Few people know of the great Sheb Wooley. He was the “Weird” Al Yankovich for classic country music back in the 70s. And, like most of the breakout Country stars of that era, he had a crossover hit — “Purple People Eater.” I first got this song as part of an album called “Dumb Ditties” that our family got on (get this) 8-track tape! I never did quite figure out whether this was a People-Eater that was purple or if this was a creature that sustained itself on devouring purple people.

8. “Witch Doctor,” Dave Seville and the Chipmunks

Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah

Ting tang

Walla walla bing bang.

Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah

Ting tang

Walla walla bing bang.

The finest free verse of Ross Bagdasarian, the Fresno-born genius behind Alvin and the Chipmunks. This hit was Bagdasarian’s first experiment with altering the speed of the recording to achieve the trademark voices of his alter egos.

7. Theme from “The Munsters” and theme from “The Addams Family” (tie)

Both iconic musical intros to two fantastic, iconic TV sitcoms, I have to include these on my playlist even if most of the kids are familiar with the shows behind the tunes. Musically, the “Munsters” theme has serious earworm appeal, and I’ve yet to find a kind who didn’t want to snap along with the “Addams Family” tune.

6. “The Blob” by … Burt Bacharach?

Did you know Burt Bacharach wrote the theme song to the Steve McQueen sci-fi horror classic “The Blob”? Me neither. Recording as “The Five Blobs,” the Bacharach-led group of studio musicians performed this swanky cha-cha. While you’re in a Blobby mood, read this classic Phable, intro-ed below… Phables_blob

5. “Grim Grinning Ghosts”

Composed by Buddy Baker, with lyrics written by X Atencio, this is the song that ushers you through Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. During our trip to Disneyworld last this summer my eight-year-old and I rode that ride about a dozen times. I know the words by heart.

4. “Ghostbusters”, Ray Parker Jr.

Who ya gonna call? Well, if your name is Huey Lewis, the answer is “my lawyer.” According to this law suit, Huey felt that the spooky smash hit stole from his own “I Want a New Drug.” They settled out of court. And amicably so. Lewis has stated that working through the process with “Ghostbusters” producers laid the groundwork to his working on “Back To The Future” — another 80s movie hit.

3. “Thriller” Michael Jackson

The Gloved One’s “Thriller” album made music history. The video for the song was the first music video to be selected by the Library of Congress for the National film Registry. Danceable (if not singable), this is the perfect song to crank up to drown out the din of sugared-up goblins.

2. “This is Halloween,” Danny Elfman

Let’s face it, any of the music from The Nightmare Before Christmas is going to be the perfect compliment to your Halloween party. But this one is the most upbeat and Halloween-y. And if you thumbs-up this one on your own Pandora channel, you’ll get the rest offered in your mix as well.

1. The Monster Mash, Bobby “Boris” Picket

Was there ever any question? There’s no doubt in my mind that this is the all-time best Halloween hit. Everybody knows the words and most of us can do a decent Boris Karloff impersonation to sing along. It’s a graveyard smash.