Chapter 16 | Page 8a: Special delivery

Transcript

Evil Inc – March 18, 2025
by Brad J. Guigar

[Panel 1]
(Caption: A few nights later, Angus checks in with his employer, the Lethal Librarian.)
Angus: Yes, ma’am, I’m nearly finished stocking the safehouse.

[Panel 2]
Angus (on the phone): You didn’t warn me about Mrs. Elliot. She thinks I’m a cow!
She keeps insisting I leave quarts of milk on her front stoop.

[Panel 3]
(Close-up of the Lethal Librarian on the phone, looking incredulous.)
Lethal Librarian: That’s ridiculous! You don’t have udders!

[Panel 4]
(Caption: "There was only one way to make her stop.")
(Angus is seen sneaking up Mrs. Elliot’s stairs at night, placing bottles of white liquid on her doorstep.)

[Panel 5]
(Lethal Librarian, shocked on the phone.)
Lethal Librarian: Great Gutenberg’s ghost! You didn’t!
Angus: I didn’t… but I’m putting her dairy bill on your account.
(Angus is in the kitchen, pouring milk into bottles.)

[Panel 6]
(Sound effect: knock knock*)
Angus (on phone): I’ll call you back.
(He turns toward the door.)
Angus: Someone’s at the door.

[Panel 7]
(Angus answers the door to see Lightning Lady standing outside.)
Angus: LIGHTNING LADY!

Lightning Lady: You’ll never believe what your neighbor asked me to do…

Halloween Songs for your Kids’ Party

As usual, the Guigar family is hosting its annual Halloween bash for the boys and their/our friends.  I’ve been working on priming the Evil Inc Halloween Hits Pandora channel by thumbs-upping and thumbs-downing a bunch of Halloween songs. Here is my Top-13 —thirteen! — list of the best.

10. “Dinner With Drac,” John “The Cool Ghoul” Zacherle

Philly-born John Zacherle was a TV horror-show host, and if you remember from my Greystone Inn days, I have a soft spot in my heart for those guys. This rock novelty ditty was recorded near the height of his popularity. PNP20020314

9. “Purple People Eater,” Sheb Wooley

Few people know of the great Sheb Wooley. He was the “Weird” Al Yankovich for classic country music back in the 70s. And, like most of the breakout Country stars of that era, he had a crossover hit — “Purple People Eater.” I first got this song as part of an album called “Dumb Ditties” that our family got on (get this) 8-track tape! I never did quite figure out whether this was a People-Eater that was purple or if this was a creature that sustained itself on devouring purple people.

8. “Witch Doctor,” Dave Seville and the Chipmunks

Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah

Ting tang

Walla walla bing bang.

Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah

Ting tang

Walla walla bing bang.

The finest free verse of Ross Bagdasarian, the Fresno-born genius behind Alvin and the Chipmunks. This hit was Bagdasarian’s first experiment with altering the speed of the recording to achieve the trademark voices of his alter egos.

7. Theme from “The Munsters” and theme from “The Addams Family” (tie)

Both iconic musical intros to two fantastic, iconic TV sitcoms, I have to include these on my playlist even if most of the kids are familiar with the shows behind the tunes. Musically, the “Munsters” theme has serious earworm appeal, and I’ve yet to find a kind who didn’t want to snap along with the “Addams Family” tune.

6. “The Blob” by … Burt Bacharach?

Did you know Burt Bacharach wrote the theme song to the Steve McQueen sci-fi horror classic “The Blob”? Me neither. Recording as “The Five Blobs,” the Bacharach-led group of studio musicians performed this swanky cha-cha. While you’re in a Blobby mood, read this classic Phable, intro-ed below… Phables_blob

5. “Grim Grinning Ghosts”

Composed by Buddy Baker, with lyrics written by X Atencio, this is the song that ushers you through Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. During our trip to Disneyworld last this summer my eight-year-old and I rode that ride about a dozen times. I know the words by heart.

4. “Ghostbusters”, Ray Parker Jr.

Who ya gonna call? Well, if your name is Huey Lewis, the answer is “my lawyer.” According to this law suit, Huey felt that the spooky smash hit stole from his own “I Want a New Drug.” They settled out of court. And amicably so. Lewis has stated that working through the process with “Ghostbusters” producers laid the groundwork to his working on “Back To The Future” — another 80s movie hit.

3. “Thriller” Michael Jackson

The Gloved One’s “Thriller” album made music history. The video for the song was the first music video to be selected by the Library of Congress for the National film Registry. Danceable (if not singable), this is the perfect song to crank up to drown out the din of sugared-up goblins.

2. “This is Halloween,” Danny Elfman

Let’s face it, any of the music from The Nightmare Before Christmas is going to be the perfect compliment to your Halloween party. But this one is the most upbeat and Halloween-y. And if you thumbs-up this one on your own Pandora channel, you’ll get the rest offered in your mix as well.

1. The Monster Mash, Bobby “Boris” Picket

Was there ever any question? There’s no doubt in my mind that this is the all-time best Halloween hit. Everybody knows the words and most of us can do a decent Boris Karloff impersonation to sing along. It’s a graveyard smash.