Transcript

No one — no one — is happier than I am to see our federal employees going back to work this week. As some of you know, my wife was one of those furloughed as our nation’s “leaders” whipped out their genitals and reached for their rulers. She was off work for about two-and-a-half weeks. On the first day home, she took her nervous energy and cleaned-and-decluttered the boys’ bedroom. On the next day, she tackled our bedroom. By the end of the week, she had cleaned and decluttered every room in the house. Last weekend we attacked the basement. Now it’s cleaner and holds less junk than it did on the day we moved into the house. On Tuesday, I came home and she had gone from cleaning rooms to something she called “deep-cleaning.” There was a new mop in the corner. “That’s for walls only,” she glowered, “…only.” I’m not sure what “deep clean” is, but I’m pretty sure it involves me not being able to find a god-damned thing. I asked her — tentatively — what was next on her list, and she really didn’t have an answer for me. But she kept looking at me… with a strange look in her eye… for the rest of the evening. So there’s no one. No. One. Happier to see the federal government employees go back to work than I am.