The Week in Villainy: Starro

Starro: Yes, he’s always looked like a giant starfish with a single eye that resembled Captain America’s shield, but he’s been fighting the evil fight since 1960, and after nearly half a century of attempts to bring the Earth under his thrall, HE’S FINALLY DONE IT! The good guys have been defeated, and he (it?) reigns supreme!

Actually, the Earth he conquered was an alternate version populated by talking funny animals, but it still counts, and he should get credit for pulling off what so many others have only dreamed of. His success is recorded in Captain Carrot and the Final Ark!, which may confuse some readers into thinking this is only a joke or what-if, but it is not: Starro himself is THE Starro the Justice League of America fought so long ago, every cover of this series has announced that this is a Countdown tie-in, and the ending of issue 3 makes it clear that the events in this story do have an effect on the main DC universe (at least until they rewrite and “update” everything again).

He did it by: Tricking the world’s governments into making superpowers illegal; causing discord between land-dwelling species and ocean-dwellers; gaining control of the aquatic species without their knowledge; and using the Earth’s villains to flood the world so that only the highest peaks will still be above the water. The good guys utterly failed to save the day, even with outside help and personal sacrifice!

It’s a dastardly plot hatched — AND COMPLETED — by one of the oldest extraterrestrial threats to Earth. Give him a pat on the back, and a big hand.

…or tentacle.

— Mark Ashworth

Starro makes a big move up to 9 on the VQ scale. Mark thought it should be a 10, but I insist that taking over a funny-animal planet is still somewhat akin to winning the presidential election … in your local trailer park. Still, a win’s a win.

(If you have a suggestion for “TWiV,” please e-mail me.)